I was just minding my own business when this guy jumped me and the next thing I know I've got a rage-on for the old red stuff.

​

Aye, I'd become a vampire.

​

But that isn't this story.

​

This story is about the ridiculous task I've been forced to do to keep my living family safe.

​

This story is about being the target for a Chosen One who can't be bothered to do the job.

​

This story is about Nosferatu - or Norrie, as I call him - demanding bubble baths in my flat.

​

Brace yourself...

​

[WARNING: This book is silly, sweary, saucy and Scottish]